Hi Nancy! I just want to start off by saying I love the title you have on the homepage of your portfolio: "The Question is the Thing". It sounds mysterious! And then the eerie picture of the sphinx really adds to it. Nice! Now onto your first story, "The Search for Answers." I really appreciated the pictures you've included. I think the way you made them fill the screen impacts the reader more. I can't wait to hear the riddles! I also liked how you included the "these are the little things that make a marriage work." I thought that was pretty cute. I'm not sure if this is necessary, but an author's note might help the reader see where the original story comes from and more general information about the story. I also wonder about Olivia's feelings when Henry says that he will get eaten if he fails. I think you should express her distaste and concern stronger in her response.
Hi Nancy! First of all, I really enjoy your setup with this introduction. You create two interesting main characters and introduce the first mythical creature with ease. Also, more practically, I enjoyed the layout of your page — it was easy to look at and had beautiful pictures that guided the story along well. One thing I wondered was what is so special about this temple? Why would it hold all the secrets of all the mythological creatures that Henry and Olivia seek? I think maybe a few sentences from the sphinx could be helpful in giving at least a clue as to what this place is. Another thing that stood out to me was how quickly Olivia and Henry made a decision on the sphinx’s offer. What if they engaged in a bit more dialogue (possibly whispered) beforehand, since this choice does involve sacrificing one of their lives? Overall though, your story is really well-thought out and detailed, and I’m looking forward to the next installments!
Hi Nancy! Wow! I would like to first off comment on the fact that your website looks great, the images are well thought out, and the title is so inviting for readers wanting to learn more. The first story you begin with was very good with dialogue, details, and keeping readers interested. I wonder, however, if there was a way you could introduce the storybook itself before beginning the story and just kind of explain what this storybook will be about the what to expect from the stories you add. I also am not sure if an author's note is necessary, but that would really make your story stronger in terms of allowing readers to know what the original story was and the changes you made! This would especially help those readers who haven't read the original story before. However, I really think you did a great job! I am looking forward to reading the rest of your stories in your project!
Hi Nancy! Your title for the introduction is so catchy. I was interested before I even started reading! I love the detail in this story. It definitely seems like you are experienced when it comes to writing. The first few sentences literally made me feel like I was in the story. I love the story and the dialogue, it really sets the tone for the storybook and is perfect to draw a reader in.Dialogue is important in stories and I love how you included it introduction. I think you gave enough to where the reader can get a feel for the story book and make them want more. I also really like the suspense that is already created and the stories have barely begun. I think this will be a really good project and cannot wait to see how it turns out. I cannot wait to read more stories and find out what happens.Best of luck and great job.
Hey Nancy! I really enjoyed your storybook it was full of great story telling and mystery. I think you did a great job of jumping into the story already in the mix while still taking the time to explain key parts of the background subtly as it progresses; that is one of the many great aspects of a good storyteller. I am excited to see how the rest of the story plays out. You’ve definitely caught my attention and left me wanting more. Iv always thought the sphinx was a cool creature and the use of riddles that it uses. I am interested to see what kind of riddles you choose to use in your story and if you throw in some of your own riddles as well. I am also curious to see if there is an explanation for why there is a sphinx in the middle of the Congo. I also really liked your web page layout, more specifically the pictures you used in the first part of your story.
Hi Nancy! Just read your first story in your Storybook Project! Wow great job! I really liked how you set up the whole story and i can really see how we are going to get to learn things through the couples experience - although I also feel like Henry is definitely going to get eaten by Sphynx, can't win them all I guess. I also really enjoyed the way you gave your main characters a background so we're interested in what happens to them - just a great job all around! Can't wait to get to read more and see what happens next! Have a great Week!
Hey Nancy! I love the way you have set your page up thus far! I also thought you did a great job with your writing! I think that your use of dialogue was very good and if anything you could use a little more since you set it up so well. I felt that this was a great way to lead into the suspense of the story. I also enjoyed the use and placement of the different pictures you decided to use. I was wondering if the riddles to come are going to be based off the old story or if you will make your own up. I was also thinking that since the people are sacrificing themselves in a sense if you could possibly make it a little more daring between the two of them. In that sense what if you had discussion scene of the two deciding who will die? Overall great job on this writing!
First and foremost, your storybook design was great! The greenery, building, and statue really got me ready for what was to come. I think the picture placement also doubled as a nice breaking point in your story.
I also love how you kicked off the story with some of Olivia and Henry's internal feelings. This gave us just enough detail to truly understand the circumstance they were in. I also like that you included the year of their exploration as it took away all of the questions a reader may be thinking in regards to technology.
I love how you set up the intense emotion just before they met the sphinx. Also, I love how you included dialogue between Olivia and Henry during the decision process. What if the sphinx just took the first answer and he heard and, instead of having such a great (and scary) opportunity, it would be ripped from them without consulting each other.
Overall, this story was great and your detailing made the story even better!
Cool image for your comment wall! It fits well with your storybook! Your storybook looks great and you utilize your pictures well! The background image on your home page is perfect for your storybook but came out a little grainy. Maybe look into higher resolution images? I hate to tell you to look for a new image all together :( I also think your home page would benefit from a brief description as to what readers will find within! Just a little tidbit of different featured stories would be great so readers know what they're getting into!
I think it's super cool that you're writing this story in a past, colonizing setting! That adds an element that I feel isn't super common.
I absolutely loved the little trip and fall scene! It was super cute and provided great characterization for Olivia and Henry! (your characterization of them throughout the story is great!) Your dialogue is excellent and believable. It doesn't sound forced.
I edited this quote, please feel free to disregard: "I didn't know that you existed for sure! I certainly wouldn't have expected to find you in the heart of Africa!"
The only questions I had were; who captured the sphinx? And how did they do it and if no one did then why does the sphinx stay?
Nice cliff hanger!
For your author's note, I would break up the different pieces of information so they don't all run together. I suggest making a new paragraph at " King Leopold" and "when offering…" though so topics are broken up.
You're doing a great job and I can't wait to see what Olivia and Henry get up to next!!!
I like the way you kind of switched from one person’s perspective to another. Often in the 3rd person, the commentator only talks about one person’s thoughts. Here, we get access to all of it which adds a nice amount of detail. I also loved that you chose a setting from the past. I tend to have a hard time doing these. I’m always scared to add details which will turn out to be inaccurate. You seem to have done an excellent job. I can tell you did a bit of research to achieve this effect. I also enjoyed the quirks of Henry and Olivia’s marriage. I thought they were cute and I appreciate the detail you put into their personalities. One thing that confused me was why the sphynx would offer them the first deal. Why would she just let them go if they got her riddle wrong? Your images did a very good job of showing what you were describing to your audience. Good job Nancy!
Wow Nancy, I loved this! You seriously did such a good job writing this story! It definitely reminded me a little of something you would see in Indiana Jones haha! I really liked the pictures you chose for your story, I really think they helped set the mood for the rest of the story! And it was nice that you spaced them throughout as well! I also really thought it was a great idea to switch back and forth between Henry and Olivia's perspectives! I really feel like it just helped me feel so much closer to the characters and like I was actually there in the jungle standing next to them! Your major cliff hanger to left me totally wanting to read more, that was a really nice touch and definitely roped me in! I can't wait to see what you have in store with the first riddle, and I'm really hoping Henry can figure them all out and not get eaten!!
Hey, Nancy! The homepage of your project really made me curious. “The Question is the Thing,” sounds foreboding and made me want to keep reading! For some reason, the banner image on that page is a little blurry? I’m not sure if there is anything you can do about that, but I just wanted to give you a heads up. I like the image, and it gives your site an Egyptian-like feel! One thing that stood out to me was your consistent incorporation of images. A lot of storybooks and portfolios (mine included) probably don’t make use of the image potential that they possess. You, on the other hand, make a point to use these graphics well and often! This adds a lot of aesthetic appeal and helps keep the audience interested. “The Search for Answers” story was intriguing, and I can tell that you have creative writing experience. It flows very nicely, and the end of the introduction sets up the remainder of the storybook with great suspense. You may not have much room for it, but I would love to know some more information about Henry and Olivia’s past. Perhaps you could include how they met, how long they had been married, something along those lines. In terms of content and layout, I think this is an awesome start to your project!
Hey Nancy! I read your intro last week and it was so good, I wanted to come back and read your newest piece. I love that you include lots of pictures throughout! Pictures really help readers to visualize what you’re saying and break up the writing a bit. I have to say I really like Olivia. She feels very real. You include many descriptive details about how your characters speak and move and feel. It’s very good writing. I hated that the unicorn had to die. Could this be a magical immortal unicorn who can’t be killed by impure souls? He seemed like a good friend. The maiden is going to need more protecting once he’s gone because apparently her parents are willing to marry her off to just any old joe. I also appreciate that you do some research for each of your stories. Your author’s notes always provide some good insight to your writing. I’m excited to see what you come up with next week!
Hi Nancy! First of all, I really like the way you set up your storybook page. I like the organization of the background colors and the images you use are very fitting to the story and they are beautiful! Now onto the story. After reading your first chapter, I instantly think of Indiana Jones! I have never read a story about adventure or archeological theme like yours and this is quite exciting! You has a very good description of the scenes and surroundings. Your vocabularies are great and flow well together! I am sad that unicorn has to die, but then again, Henry got to get his wife and himself out of troubles after all! The Sphinx is scary, but I love that you include such historical figure in this story. I am wondering if Olivia will take a more active role as the story progress? Overall, I really enjoy reading your story and ugh! That cliffhanger! I can't wait to read more.
To begin, I love your storybook set up. The colors all seem to go with your theme! You have incorporated several pictures that add a lot to your page, way to go! Your author's note was very helpful in explaining what your mythical creatures look like. A suggestion for revision would be to add a little more description of what they look like into your story. I love the description of your characters, and how well you have set up the scene! I could picture a giant mosquito biting his neck, and I pictured them in thick woods. I am anxious to read what the riddles our! This introduction dives us straight into your world, and I am excited to see what else I will discover!
Hello Nancy. This is a very enjoyable story. The opening is great and gives you a little more information about the couple and why they are in Africa in the first place. You wrote the perfect amount of information to get engaged with the characters and also making me want to know more about them. One thing I would have liked to see is maybe a little more on the initial interaction with the temple. It is kind of quick of how they walk in and BAM, Sphinx here, I know what you want etc. I feel you could grow the anticipation a little and make the encounter a little more dramatic. Other than that your use of images to make breaks and give visual information is a very good idea. I look forward to seeing how this progresses. The more a story can connect with the audience on some sort of a personal level the more they will want to read it.
Hey there Nancy! I just want to say that I am so impressed with your project! You done some really awesome work, and I can't wait to read on, so I hope you add more soon! I really enjoyed the dynamic between practical Olivia and optimistic Henry. I also really liked the small splashes of humor that you threw in, like when Henry tripped. I'm also working on a frame tale for my project and I think it's really cool how you're tying these stories into each other. I'm also super impressed with your dialogue. I struggle with that sometimes, so it's always nice to see some good examples. One thing that stuck out to me was when Henry introduces the two of them to the sphinx, he doesn't use a surname. I don't know if you did that on purpose or not, but it felt a little off to me. The only other note I have is there where a couple times where you started consecutive paragraphs (I think it was in The First Riddle) with Henry *verb*. I think if you reworded some of those it might seem less repetitive. I'm really excited to keep reading this! Great Job!!
Wow your writing is awesome! It’s so descriptive and the language is so rich and diverse! I really like the concept of your storybook and I’m excited to see what you do with it. The concept of using a story within a story is very cool and I think you pulled it off really well. I would like to read more about why Henry cares so much about finding the mythological creatures. I know it is his life’s work, but what is he planning to do once he finds them? Or what is the king of Belgium planning to do once Henry finds them? You brought up that the king was not a good man and did not treat the land in the Congo well once he acquired it, so it seems like he probably has some sinister plan for the mythological creatures. That could be an interesting route to take with the story. I look forward to reading the rest of your storybook!
Hi Nancy! Your storybook site looks amazing. I like how you included many different pictures throughout each page, that relate to your stories. Along with that, your storytelling is very descriptive and gives the readers a visual image when they are reading. Your introduction gives a good background and really sets the scene for the upcoming stories. I like how it's a story from the past that involves uncovering mythical creatures. When I read the first story, I was certain that Henry would solve the riddle. Towards the end, it almost tricked me when the sphinx said "That is unfortunate" because I thought one of them was about to be eaten. But, a couple words later and I realized he was correct. Why is Henry so passionate about uncovering these creatures? I'm excited to read the next riddles and see the outcome for the couple! Good luck with the rest of your stories, and keep up the good work.
I think you did an awesome job with both your introduction and your first story. The story of Oedipus is one of my favorite Greek myths, so to see you incorporate it into your own story. I like that, despite using the sphinx as a man character, you did not limit yourself to just using Greek myths for your story. This is shown when you made your first story revolve around a Tibetan folk tale.
You have done a great job with exposition and building your characters' story. My suggestion for you would be this: consider adding your own flare to the retelling of the folktale when Henry answers the riddles. At the moment, you are simply having Henry recount stories that he has heard. While he is recounting the story, you can maybe include cool story about why he knew that story, as oppose to simply just hearing about it. Other than that, I really loved your story and look forward to reading more!
Hi Nancy! Your introduction is very well written and provides enough detail to put the reader into a state of actually being there. The pictures that you've chosen to provide and visual aids also help picture the scene in the story. There are a couple things that could help with the flow of the introduction however. You could provide a reason for Henry to embark on this journey to find these mythical creatures. As of right now the readers don't know the motive that drives Henry, but maybe you'll include that later on? The first story regarding the first riddle is very interesting. I've never read or heard of that riddle before. Did you find that somewhere else or did you make it up? Either way it was great. It's the little things that make a great story like the part where you pause the storytelling and had Henry take a sip of water from his canteen. Also the ending really had me fooled. I honestly thought Henry was about to die!
Hi Nancy! Wow, the layout of your page is beautiful. My favorite part about the “Search for Answers” was the temple! I also really enjoyed how you introduced the “honeyed purr.” I could sense the surprise in the scene. My favorite part about “The First Riddle” was the unicorn! I loved how the creature symbolized assurance in your story. What if you added more detail about the unicorn? You could include more fairy-tale like scenes, which would make your story even more magical and mysterious. I also think the pictures in between the paragraphs took the attention away from what was happening. I found myself having to reread what I had previously read before looking at your pictures. Other than that, I loved how you constructed the stories, and how much dialogue there was! I truly felt like I was reading a storybook. I’m looking forward to more of your work!
Hi there Nancy! First off it's super nice to meet ya! I will say that I really enjoy all of the images you have used for your website. The layout of your website is very nice and clean and organized, that and all of the images you used are of high quality, so super great job on that! Your wording on your stories I think is good, and from what I can see so far I think everything flows really well. My only piece of advice, or something that I can think would make your website great, would be the addition of a introductory page from the view of you! What I mean by this, is adding a page at the very beginning of your storybook, where you kind of give us the run down of the characters we are going to meet, and what types of adventures they are going to get into. It gives us as readers a look into what we are getting into, and it gives you an opportunity to give us your expectations for your storybook! It's a neat feature that I have noticed on other storybooks that might be beneficial for you! Happy Writing!
Hi Nancy! I am so glad that I was able to return to your storybook this week, and see what new changes you've made to your project. Since I had already read your introduction and first story, I jumped right into the second story. I did have to go back and recap in the first story, however, so that I could remember what was happening in the story. So, if you wanted to have a mini recap in italics that might be an option, otherwise I am sure other readers will just refer back to the other story for a refresher. I am still so impressed with the way you layout your stories with different colored text boxes and images in between. I might take this approach in my next story as well as this was really strong in keeping me, and I'm sure, other readers, engaged with your story. Can't wait to see what you write next. Nice job!
Hey Nancy, I read the story of "The First Riddle" and "The Riddle Continues" and while I really enjoyed your writing, I especially enjoyed your informative and concise author's notes. I haven't seen any author's notes that so clearly spelled out what you were trying to do and also gave such great background information (such as the history of unicorns in mythology). I was not expecting that and was quite surprised by them. Keep up the good work and writing amazing stories and author's notes.
Let me start out this post by telling you how much I enjoyed reading your stories. It is clear that you have put a lot of effort into your collection of stories. I liked how in your first story The Search for Answers, you begin with the reader learning that Olivia and Henry are in search of a Temple that will prove the existence of mythological creatures. The method you used really captures the reader’s attention strait off the bat. When I first read this part of the story, I found myself wondering what this proof would look like. You might want to go into more detail on what this proof might look like. I also like how you switch from Olivia’s view point to Henry’s. This showed the reader what each character had to think about the other. Overall you did a wonderful job with your introduction.
Hi Nancy! I want to start out by saying WOW! You have done a great job building a beautiful storybook site. On top of that, I am so impressed that you already have three stories up. It made me excited to read it since it looks so full and complete. I read your latest story, The Riddles Continue, and it was amazing! It shows that you put lots of time into your page and each individual story which makes it much easier to read and get excited about as the reader. I read an earlier story of yours and it really helped me visualize your whole story book taking place. You did such a great job developing your characters and it really drew me in as I got to see your story develop with each story. I really don't have anything I would recommend for you to change. I think you have done a great job!
Hi Nancy! I'm back! I really enjoyed your project when I read it a few weeks ago so I decided to read it again and give you some more feedback so I could read the new parts. Just from the start I can see that you're including more imagery in your story now, even in the first two pages, and I love the change. I think it definitely grounds me in the story more. I also love the new addition to the story. I think it is pretty funny how the sphinx accidentally gave Henry and easy riddle, and you did such a wonderful job describing its annoyance. It was also really cool to get some of Henry's backstory and find out why his is so passionate about finding these creatures. I hope that in the next sections we can see some more things from Olivia's point of view. I like her pragmatic stance on life.
Hi there Nancy! I am glad that the randomizer brought me back to your storybook, as I was excited to see how things would develop for you! Your storybook most definitely has changed since I last saw it, you tweaked the aesthetics of it and to me made it look very clean! On top of that, you have added two more stories, which really is a big deal!! That means you have been putting in some serious work on your storybook. It is awesome that your stories are building off of each other, and that in each story you have developed the characters more and more. As readers we are starting to get a real sense of who they are as people through your descriptions and I think that is great. I can see that the suspense is building up to the end of your story, and I am excited to see how it is going to end! Happy Writing!
Hi Nancy! First, I would like to say how much I like the design of your storybook. It’s really easy to navigate and I like the images and colors you used. As for the story, I was pretty hooked after the first paragraph. I am a fan of these types of stories and I found myself wondering what Henry and Olivia would get themselves into. I think the most memorable part of this story book is how you made Henry and Olivia base their adventures off of folktales. It’s kind of meta and I like that you included it. I think the main questions I have are how long Henry and Olivia have been married and what is their marriage like. I am curious to find these questions out mostly because of their conversation when the Sphinx talked about the three riddles. In my opinion, I feel like a longer married couple would never take that deal because of the chance of losing the other. What if you had Olivia put up a stronger fight against Henry wanting to do the three riddles? I think this would show the dynamic between them a little better.
I really like all the pictures that you have been using for your Storybook! They fit really well with the story and help the readers move along and visualize what is happening and what certain aspects of the Storybook are suppose to look like! Good job. You do a really good job describing what the characters are doing, their actions, etc. Henry and Olivia have a good dynamic but I would love to see something more from them, considering their relationship is such a big part of the story. The understanding of their relationship would really help the readers to understand the choices that they make when it comes to the riddles and such. It would also help the readers to understand their personalities. Also, really good work on your use of vocabulary. It was really cool to see words that I oftentimes see in published novels in a class assignment!
First off, I have to say that I love how creative and well-thought out your portfolio stories are! I feel like I am reading mystery novels in a series-very creative and engaging! Your intro on your homepage is perfect-plain and simple but descriptive enough to give the reader an idea of what they can look forward to in your stories. Looking at all the titles of your stories makes me feel like I am reading a treasure map or something and reassures me that the end will be rewarding and will contain answers. I read your first story and really enjoyed it. You are a very talented writer and you drew me in from the first sentence. I appreciate the amount of dialogue you included-that is may favorite part of a story to read. Also, I really liked that you included more than one photo-it definitely adds more visual interest to your project as a whole. Great job!
Hey Nancy! I’ve read through your storybook a couple times now. I’ve been impressed each time. I loved the flow of this last one. In the other stories, it was a bit odd to me that the sphynx would want to hear Henry’s stories to justify his answer. In this last story, Olivia is explaining the answer to Henry, who is a person who would be interested in hearing the explanation. I agreed with Olivia that the first riddle was really more of an obscure question, but this last one really did seem like a true riddle. I’d never heard of a pixiu before, so it was an interesting topic. I like that you included multiple pictures for your readers. I noticed a few small typos, so I would suggest maybe going back through this out loud. I like that you included lots of information about the pixiu and its relevance since most people probably won’t be familiar with the creature. The links show you did research and allow your readers to do the same if they wish.
Hello Nancy! I just got done reading The First Riddle and I would say I enjoyed it. I could see the scene happening and Henry zoning off while ignoring the Sphinx and Olivia bicker. As far as the use of the riddle. I am still sort of confused on the answer, was it the story or something in the story? Possibly add more emphasis on it or highlight it by Henry repeating the riddle with the answer attached. Another thing is that the story of the unicorn felt somewhat dry. It didn't have the suspense I felt it should have. You could tell that the unicorn was going to die as soon as it said it would follow the hunter and find out. Misdirection could help with that to not make it so obvious, trick the reader, they will thank you for it. Other than that is was great and your layout is very well done.
Hello Nancy! Your story is great. I love how you give your main characters quirks that people would be able to relate to. Their marriage is a bit messy, but very human. Your story within a story approach is wonderful. It reminds me of Arabian knights. I also like how you are using the various riddles to have the characters reveal things about themselves. One thing that is a bit annoying is every time you go to a new chapter in your story, a new web page opens. If there was a simpler way to move around your story it would be more enjoyable. Other than that, I thoroughly enjoyed your story, and I hope to find out the 3 questions that the characters decided to ask.
Hey Nancy, Great storybook overall! I really enjoyed the story line and the thought you put into it! I think that it would be useful if you maybe did an introduction or some sort of entrance to the story so the reader is not lost from the start. It took me a couple paragraphs in before I realized what was fully going on. I think that you did a great job with how you laid out the stories on paper. Breaking it up with pictures I think made some great breaks and gave us a mental picture of what you, the writer, was thinking. Overall I think you did a great job and really was able to grab the reader in the majority of the story. I wish there was more to read because it was such a great story line. Keep writing and remember what a great job you did!
Nancy, you’ve done a fantastic job with this project. I’ve been back to read your work over and over. I’m a little sad that I won’t get to read any more of Henry and Olivia’s adventures. In this last story, I thought it was a little odd for the sphynx to change so much so quickly, but I’d like to think that it had found some small amount of respect for Henry. I wish you had included a little more about the thoughts and interactions of Henry and Olivia in this story. I’ve enjoyed their quirkiness and love for each other, and felt like there was less of that here. As usual, your author’s note is very informative and shows that you’ve done your research. I was wondering if you could find a polygryph photo that was more of a banner. The one you have seems a bit small compared to those of your other stories. The top photo for “This is the End” also seems to be a different size and shape than the others. I know these are small details, but they can make a project feel more planned, and cohesive. Nonetheless, you’ve produced some incredible work. Good luck on your finals next week!
Hi Nancy! This is my third visit to your storybook and every time you add something new it just blows me away even more. I love the twist that Olivia knew what the answer was instead of Henry, and I love that the sphinx was putting on a sinister face to protect the other mythical creatures. My favorite part of your storybook though, is the last question that Henry asks the sphinx. I don't know if you planned this the whole time, but it certainly felt like you did. You did an amazing job of conveying Henry's emotions while he was trying to figure out if he was doing the right thing. It was so fitting that the story ended with that one important question. I think people forget to think about whether they should or shouldn't do things and instead just consider if they can. Thank you so much for creating this amazing project! I've enjoyed it so much!
I am so glad I got to read your portfolio this semester even if it is the last day. Your whole site looks great and is well organized. I think we used the same layout which I thought looked the best. I was not familiar with any of your stories so your detailed authors notes really helped me understand what I was reading and how you changed the story to your own imagination. You provided great detail and I was able to really see what was going on in my head which I love to do when I read. You had great images as well. I think that adding an intoduction would help us get an idea of what was to come and that the only thing I would add. I hope your semester went well!
Hi Nancy! I just want to start off by saying I love the title you have on the homepage of your portfolio: "The Question is the Thing". It sounds mysterious! And then the eerie picture of the sphinx really adds to it. Nice! Now onto your first story, "The Search for Answers." I really appreciated the pictures you've included. I think the way you made them fill the screen impacts the reader more. I can't wait to hear the riddles! I also liked how you included the "these are the little things that make a marriage work." I thought that was pretty cute. I'm not sure if this is necessary, but an author's note might help the reader see where the original story comes from and more general information about the story. I also wonder about Olivia's feelings when Henry says that he will get eaten if he fails. I think you should express her distaste and concern stronger in her response.
ReplyDeleteHi Nancy! First of all, I really enjoy your setup with this introduction. You create two interesting main characters and introduce the first mythical creature with ease. Also, more practically, I enjoyed the layout of your page — it was easy to look at and had beautiful pictures that guided the story along well. One thing I wondered was what is so special about this temple? Why would it hold all the secrets of all the mythological creatures that Henry and Olivia seek? I think maybe a few sentences from the sphinx could be helpful in giving at least a clue as to what this place is. Another thing that stood out to me was how quickly Olivia and Henry made a decision on the sphinx’s offer. What if they engaged in a bit more dialogue (possibly whispered) beforehand, since this choice does involve sacrificing one of their lives? Overall though, your story is really well-thought out and detailed, and I’m looking forward to the next installments!
ReplyDeleteHi Nancy!
ReplyDeleteWow! I would like to first off comment on the fact that your website looks great, the images are well thought out, and the title is so inviting for readers wanting to learn more. The first story you begin with was very good with dialogue, details, and keeping readers interested. I wonder, however, if there was a way you could introduce the storybook itself before beginning the story and just kind of explain what this storybook will be about the what to expect from the stories you add. I also am not sure if an author's note is necessary, but that would really make your story stronger in terms of allowing readers to know what the original story was and the changes you made! This would especially help those readers who haven't read the original story before. However, I really think you did a great job! I am looking forward to reading the rest of your stories in your project!
Hi Nancy! Your title for the introduction is so catchy. I was interested before I even started reading! I love the detail in this story. It definitely seems like you are experienced when it comes to writing. The first few sentences literally made me feel like I was in the story. I love the story and the dialogue, it really sets the tone for the storybook and is perfect to draw a reader in.Dialogue is important in stories and I love how you included it introduction. I think you gave enough to where the reader can get a feel for the story book and make them want more. I also really like the suspense that is already created and the stories have barely begun. I think this will be a really good project and cannot wait to see how it turns out. I cannot wait to read more stories and find out what happens.Best of luck and great job.
ReplyDeleteHey Nancy! I really enjoyed your storybook it was full of great story telling and mystery. I think you did a great job of jumping into the story already in the mix while still taking the time to explain key parts of the background subtly as it progresses; that is one of the many great aspects of a good storyteller. I am excited to see how the rest of the story plays out. You’ve definitely caught my attention and left me wanting more. Iv always thought the sphinx was a cool creature and the use of riddles that it uses. I am interested to see what kind of riddles you choose to use in your story and if you throw in some of your own riddles as well. I am also curious to see if there is an explanation for why there is a sphinx in the middle of the Congo. I also really liked your web page layout, more specifically the pictures you used in the first part of your story.
ReplyDeleteHi Nancy! Just read your first story in your Storybook Project! Wow great job! I really liked how you set up the whole story and i can really see how we are going to get to learn things through the couples experience - although I also feel like Henry is definitely going to get eaten by Sphynx, can't win them all I guess. I also really enjoyed the way you gave your main characters a background so we're interested in what happens to them - just a great job all around! Can't wait to get to read more and see what happens next! Have a great Week!
ReplyDeleteHey Nancy! I love the way you have set your page up thus far! I also thought you did a great job with your writing! I think that your use of dialogue was very good and if anything you could use a little more since you set it up so well. I felt that this was a great way to lead into the suspense of the story. I also enjoyed the use and placement of the different pictures you decided to use. I was wondering if the riddles to come are going to be based off the old story or if you will make your own up. I was also thinking that since the people are sacrificing themselves in a sense if you could possibly make it a little more daring between the two of them. In that sense what if you had discussion scene of the two deciding who will die? Overall great job on this writing!
ReplyDeleteHi Nancy!
ReplyDeleteFirst and foremost, your storybook design was great! The greenery, building, and statue really got me ready for what was to come. I think the picture placement also doubled as a nice breaking point in your story.
I also love how you kicked off the story with some of Olivia and Henry's internal feelings. This gave us just enough detail to truly understand the circumstance they were in. I also like that you included the year of their exploration as it took away all of the questions a reader may be thinking in regards to technology.
I love how you set up the intense emotion just before they met the sphinx. Also, I love how you included dialogue between Olivia and Henry during the decision process. What if the sphinx just took the first answer and he heard and, instead of having such a great (and scary) opportunity, it would be ripped from them without consulting each other.
Overall, this story was great and your detailing made the story even better!
Hey Nancy!
ReplyDeleteCool image for your comment wall! It fits well with your storybook!
Your storybook looks great and you utilize your pictures well!
The background image on your home page is perfect for your storybook but came out a little grainy. Maybe look into higher resolution images? I hate to tell you to look for a new image all together :(
I also think your home page would benefit from a brief description as to what readers will find within! Just a little tidbit of different featured stories would be great so readers know what they're getting into!
I think it's super cool that you're writing this story in a past, colonizing setting! That adds an element that I feel isn't super common.
I absolutely loved the little trip and fall scene! It was super cute and provided great characterization for Olivia and Henry! (your characterization of them throughout the story is great!)
Your dialogue is excellent and believable. It doesn't sound forced.
I edited this quote, please feel free to disregard: "I didn't know that you existed for sure! I certainly wouldn't have expected to find you in the heart of Africa!"
The only questions I had were; who captured the sphinx? And how did they do it and if no one did then why does the sphinx stay?
Nice cliff hanger!
For your author's note, I would break up the different pieces of information so they don't all run together. I suggest making a new paragraph at " King Leopold" and "when offering…" though so topics are broken up.
You're doing a great job and I can't wait to see what Olivia and Henry get up to next!!!
I like the way you kind of switched from one person’s perspective to another. Often in the 3rd person, the commentator only talks about one person’s thoughts. Here, we get access to all of it which adds a nice amount of detail. I also loved that you chose a setting from the past. I tend to have a hard time doing these. I’m always scared to add details which will turn out to be inaccurate. You seem to have done an excellent job. I can tell you did a bit of research to achieve this effect. I also enjoyed the quirks of Henry and Olivia’s marriage. I thought they were cute and I appreciate the detail you put into their personalities. One thing that confused me was why the sphynx would offer them the first deal. Why would she just let them go if they got her riddle wrong? Your images did a very good job of showing what you were describing to your audience. Good job Nancy!
ReplyDeleteWow Nancy, I loved this! You seriously did such a good job writing this story! It definitely reminded me a little of something you would see in Indiana Jones haha! I really liked the pictures you chose for your story, I really think they helped set the mood for the rest of the story! And it was nice that you spaced them throughout as well! I also really thought it was a great idea to switch back and forth between Henry and Olivia's perspectives! I really feel like it just helped me feel so much closer to the characters and like I was actually there in the jungle standing next to them! Your major cliff hanger to left me totally wanting to read more, that was a really nice touch and definitely roped me in! I can't wait to see what you have in store with the first riddle, and I'm really hoping Henry can figure them all out and not get eaten!!
ReplyDeleteHey, Nancy!
ReplyDeleteThe homepage of your project really made me curious. “The Question is the Thing,” sounds foreboding and made me want to keep reading! For some reason, the banner image on that page is a little blurry? I’m not sure if there is anything you can do about that, but I just wanted to give you a heads up. I like the image, and it gives your site an Egyptian-like feel!
One thing that stood out to me was your consistent incorporation of images. A lot of storybooks and portfolios (mine included) probably don’t make use of the image potential that they possess. You, on the other hand, make a point to use these graphics well and often! This adds a lot of aesthetic appeal and helps keep the audience interested.
“The Search for Answers” story was intriguing, and I can tell that you have creative writing experience. It flows very nicely, and the end of the introduction sets up the remainder of the storybook with great suspense.
You may not have much room for it, but I would love to know some more information about Henry and Olivia’s past. Perhaps you could include how they met, how long they had been married, something along those lines.
In terms of content and layout, I think this is an awesome start to your project!
Hey Nancy! I read your intro last week and it was so good, I wanted to come back and read your newest piece. I love that you include lots of pictures throughout! Pictures really help readers to visualize what you’re saying and break up the writing a bit. I have to say I really like Olivia. She feels very real. You include many descriptive details about how your characters speak and move and feel. It’s very good writing. I hated that the unicorn had to die. Could this be a magical immortal unicorn who can’t be killed by impure souls? He seemed like a good friend. The maiden is going to need more protecting once he’s gone because apparently her parents are willing to marry her off to just any old joe. I also appreciate that you do some research for each of your stories. Your author’s notes always provide some good insight to your writing. I’m excited to see what you come up with next week!
ReplyDeleteHi Nancy! First of all, I really like the way you set up your storybook page. I like the organization of the background colors and the images you use are very fitting to the story and they are beautiful! Now onto the story. After reading your first chapter, I instantly think of Indiana Jones! I have never read a story about adventure or archeological theme like yours and this is quite exciting! You has a very good description of the scenes and surroundings. Your vocabularies are great and flow well together! I am sad that unicorn has to die, but then again, Henry got to get his wife and himself out of troubles after all! The Sphinx is scary, but I love that you include such historical figure in this story. I am wondering if Olivia will take a more active role as the story progress? Overall, I really enjoy reading your story and ugh! That cliffhanger! I can't wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteHi Nancy,
ReplyDeleteTo begin, I love your storybook set up. The colors all seem to go with your theme! You have incorporated several pictures that add a lot to your page, way to go!
Your author's note was very helpful in explaining what your mythical creatures look like. A suggestion for revision would be to add a little more description of what they look like into your story.
I love the description of your characters, and how well you have set up the scene! I could picture a giant mosquito biting his neck, and I pictured them in thick woods. I am anxious to read what the riddles our! This introduction dives us straight into your world, and I am excited to see what else I will discover!
Hello Nancy. This is a very enjoyable story. The opening is great and gives you a little more information about the couple and why they are in Africa in the first place. You wrote the perfect amount of information to get engaged with the characters and also making me want to know more about them. One thing I would have liked to see is maybe a little more on the initial interaction with the temple. It is kind of quick of how they walk in and BAM, Sphinx here, I know what you want etc. I feel you could grow the anticipation a little and make the encounter a little more dramatic. Other than that your use of images to make breaks and give visual information is a very good idea. I look forward to seeing how this progresses. The more a story can connect with the audience on some sort of a personal level the more they will want to read it.
ReplyDeleteHey there Nancy! I just want to say that I am so impressed with your project! You done some really awesome work, and I can't wait to read on, so I hope you add more soon! I really enjoyed the dynamic between practical Olivia and optimistic Henry. I also really liked the small splashes of humor that you threw in, like when Henry tripped. I'm also working on a frame tale for my project and I think it's really cool how you're tying these stories into each other. I'm also super impressed with your dialogue. I struggle with that sometimes, so it's always nice to see some good examples. One thing that stuck out to me was when Henry introduces the two of them to the sphinx, he doesn't use a surname. I don't know if you did that on purpose or not, but it felt a little off to me. The only other note I have is there where a couple times where you started consecutive paragraphs (I think it was in The First Riddle) with Henry *verb*. I think if you reworded some of those it might seem less repetitive. I'm really excited to keep reading this! Great Job!!
ReplyDeleteNancy
ReplyDeleteWow your writing is awesome! It’s so descriptive and the language is so rich and diverse! I really like the concept of your storybook and I’m excited to see what you do with it. The concept of using a story within a story is very cool and I think you pulled it off really well. I would like to read more about why Henry cares so much about finding the mythological creatures. I know it is his life’s work, but what is he planning to do once he finds them? Or what is the king of Belgium planning to do once Henry finds them? You brought up that the king was not a good man and did not treat the land in the Congo well once he acquired it, so it seems like he probably has some sinister plan for the mythological creatures. That could be an interesting route to take with the story. I look forward to reading the rest of your storybook!
Hi Nancy!
ReplyDeleteYour storybook site looks amazing. I like how you included many different pictures throughout each page, that relate to your stories. Along with that, your storytelling is very descriptive and gives the readers a visual image when they are reading. Your introduction gives a good background and really sets the scene for the upcoming stories. I like how it's a story from the past that involves uncovering mythical creatures. When I read the first story, I was certain that Henry would solve the riddle. Towards the end, it almost tricked me when the sphinx said "That is unfortunate" because I thought one of them was about to be eaten. But, a couple words later and I realized he was correct. Why is Henry so passionate about uncovering these creatures? I'm excited to read the next riddles and see the outcome for the couple! Good luck with the rest of your stories, and keep up the good work.
Hey Nancy,
ReplyDeleteI think you did an awesome job with both your introduction and your first story. The story of Oedipus is one of my favorite Greek myths, so to see you incorporate it into your own story. I like that, despite using the sphinx as a man character, you did not limit yourself to just using Greek myths for your story. This is shown when you made your first story revolve around a Tibetan folk tale.
You have done a great job with exposition and building your characters' story. My suggestion for you would be this: consider adding your own flare to the retelling of the folktale when Henry answers the riddles. At the moment, you are simply having Henry recount stories that he has heard. While he is recounting the story, you can maybe include cool story about why he knew that story, as oppose to simply just hearing about it. Other than that, I really loved your story and look forward to reading more!
Hi Nancy!
ReplyDeleteYour introduction is very well written and provides enough detail to put the reader into a state of actually being there. The pictures that you've chosen to provide and visual aids also help picture the scene in the story. There are a couple things that could help with the flow of the introduction however. You could provide a reason for Henry to embark on this journey to find these mythical creatures. As of right now the readers don't know the motive that drives Henry, but maybe you'll include that later on? The first story regarding the first riddle is very interesting. I've never read or heard of that riddle before. Did you find that somewhere else or did you make it up? Either way it was great. It's the little things that make a great story like the part where you pause the storytelling and had Henry take a sip of water from his canteen. Also the ending really had me fooled. I honestly thought Henry was about to die!
Hi Nancy! Wow, the layout of your page is beautiful. My favorite part about the “Search for Answers” was the temple! I also really enjoyed how you introduced the “honeyed purr.” I could sense the surprise in the scene. My favorite part about “The First Riddle” was the unicorn! I loved how the creature symbolized assurance in your story. What if you added more detail about the unicorn? You could include more fairy-tale like scenes, which would make your story even more magical and mysterious. I also think the pictures in between the paragraphs took the attention away from what was happening. I found myself having to reread what I had previously read before looking at your pictures. Other than that, I loved how you constructed the stories, and how much dialogue there was! I truly felt like I was reading a storybook. I’m looking forward to more of your work!
ReplyDeleteHi there Nancy! First off it's super nice to meet ya! I will say that I really enjoy all of the images you have used for your website. The layout of your website is very nice and clean and organized, that and all of the images you used are of high quality, so super great job on that!
ReplyDeleteYour wording on your stories I think is good, and from what I can see so far I think everything flows really well. My only piece of advice, or something that I can think would make your website great, would be the addition of a introductory page from the view of you! What I mean by this, is adding a page at the very beginning of your storybook, where you kind of give us the run down of the characters we are going to meet, and what types of adventures they are going to get into. It gives us as readers a look into what we are getting into, and it gives you an opportunity to give us your expectations for your storybook! It's a neat feature that I have noticed on other storybooks that might be beneficial for you! Happy Writing!
Hi Nancy!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that I was able to return to your storybook this week, and see what new changes you've made to your project. Since I had already read your introduction and first story, I jumped right into the second story. I did have to go back and recap in the first story, however, so that I could remember what was happening in the story. So, if you wanted to have a mini recap in italics that might be an option, otherwise I am sure other readers will just refer back to the other story for a refresher. I am still so impressed with the way you layout your stories with different colored text boxes and images in between. I might take this approach in my next story as well as this was really strong in keeping me, and I'm sure, other readers, engaged with your story. Can't wait to see what you write next. Nice job!
Hey Nancy,
ReplyDeleteI read the story of "The First Riddle" and "The Riddle Continues" and while I really enjoyed your writing, I especially enjoyed your informative and concise author's notes. I haven't seen any author's notes that so clearly spelled out what you were trying to do and also gave such great background information (such as the history of unicorns in mythology). I was not expecting that and was quite surprised by them. Keep up the good work and writing amazing stories and author's notes.
Hello Nancy!
ReplyDeleteLet me start out this post by telling you how much I enjoyed reading your stories. It is clear that you have put a lot of effort into your collection of stories. I liked how in your first story The Search for Answers, you begin with the reader learning that Olivia and Henry are in search of a Temple that will prove the existence of mythological creatures. The method you used really captures the reader’s attention strait off the bat. When I first read this part of the story, I found myself wondering what this proof would look like. You might want to go into more detail on what this proof might look like. I also like how you switch from Olivia’s view point to Henry’s. This showed the reader what each character had to think about the other. Overall you did a wonderful job with your introduction.
Hi Nancy!
ReplyDeleteI want to start out by saying WOW! You have done a great job building a beautiful storybook site. On top of that, I am so impressed that you already have three stories up. It made me excited to read it since it looks so full and complete.
I read your latest story, The Riddles Continue, and it was amazing! It shows that you put lots of time into your page and each individual story which makes it much easier to read and get excited about as the reader. I read an earlier story of yours and it really helped me visualize your whole story book taking place. You did such a great job developing your characters and it really drew me in as I got to see your story develop with each story.
I really don't have anything I would recommend for you to change. I think you have done a great job!
Hi Nancy! I'm back! I really enjoyed your project when I read it a few weeks ago so I decided to read it again and give you some more feedback so I could read the new parts. Just from the start I can see that you're including more imagery in your story now, even in the first two pages, and I love the change. I think it definitely grounds me in the story more. I also love the new addition to the story. I think it is pretty funny how the sphinx accidentally gave Henry and easy riddle, and you did such a wonderful job describing its annoyance. It was also really cool to get some of Henry's backstory and find out why his is so passionate about finding these creatures. I hope that in the next sections we can see some more things from Olivia's point of view. I like her pragmatic stance on life.
ReplyDeleteHi there Nancy! I am glad that the randomizer brought me back to your storybook, as I was excited to see how things would develop for you! Your storybook most definitely has changed since I last saw it, you tweaked the aesthetics of it and to me made it look very clean! On top of that, you have added two more stories, which really is a big deal!! That means you have been putting in some serious work on your storybook.
ReplyDeleteIt is awesome that your stories are building off of each other, and that in each story you have developed the characters more and more. As readers we are starting to get a real sense of who they are as people through your descriptions and I think that is great. I can see that the suspense is building up to the end of your story, and I am excited to see how it is going to end! Happy Writing!
Hi Nancy! First, I would like to say how much I like the design of your storybook. It’s really easy to navigate and I like the images and colors you used. As for the story, I was pretty hooked after the first paragraph. I am a fan of these types of stories and I found myself wondering what Henry and Olivia would get themselves into. I think the most memorable part of this story book is how you made Henry and Olivia base their adventures off of folktales. It’s kind of meta and I like that you included it. I think the main questions I have are how long Henry and Olivia have been married and what is their marriage like. I am curious to find these questions out mostly because of their conversation when the Sphinx talked about the three riddles. In my opinion, I feel like a longer married couple would never take that deal because of the chance of losing the other. What if you had Olivia put up a stronger fight against Henry wanting to do the three riddles? I think this would show the dynamic between them a little better.
ReplyDeleteHey Nancy!
ReplyDeleteI really like all the pictures that you have been using for your Storybook! They fit really well with the story and help the readers move along and visualize what is happening and what certain aspects of the Storybook are suppose to look like! Good job. You do a really good job describing what the characters are doing, their actions, etc. Henry and Olivia have a good dynamic but I would love to see something more from them, considering their relationship is such a big part of the story. The understanding of their relationship would really help the readers to understand the choices that they make when it comes to the riddles and such. It would also help the readers to understand their personalities. Also, really good work on your use of vocabulary. It was really cool to see words that I oftentimes see in published novels in a class assignment!
Hi Nancy!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I have to say that I love how creative and well-thought out your portfolio stories are! I feel like I am reading mystery novels in a series-very creative and engaging! Your intro on your homepage is perfect-plain and simple but descriptive enough to give the reader an idea of what they can look forward to in your stories. Looking at all the titles of your stories makes me feel like I am reading a treasure map or something and reassures me that the end will be rewarding and will contain answers. I read your first story and really enjoyed it. You are a very talented writer and you drew me in from the first sentence. I appreciate the amount of dialogue you included-that is may favorite part of a story to read. Also, I really liked that you included more than one photo-it definitely adds more visual interest to your project as a whole. Great job!
Hey Nancy! I’ve read through your storybook a couple times now. I’ve been impressed each time. I loved the flow of this last one. In the other stories, it was a bit odd to me that the sphynx would want to hear Henry’s stories to justify his answer. In this last story, Olivia is explaining the answer to Henry, who is a person who would be interested in hearing the explanation. I agreed with Olivia that the first riddle was really more of an obscure question, but this last one really did seem like a true riddle. I’d never heard of a pixiu before, so it was an interesting topic. I like that you included multiple pictures for your readers. I noticed a few small typos, so I would suggest maybe going back through this out loud. I like that you included lots of information about the pixiu and its relevance since most people probably won’t be familiar with the creature. The links show you did research and allow your readers to do the same if they wish.
ReplyDeleteHello Nancy! I just got done reading The First Riddle and I would say I enjoyed it. I could see the scene happening and Henry zoning off while ignoring the Sphinx and Olivia bicker. As far as the use of the riddle. I am still sort of confused on the answer, was it the story or something in the story? Possibly add more emphasis on it or highlight it by Henry repeating the riddle with the answer attached. Another thing is that the story of the unicorn felt somewhat dry. It didn't have the suspense I felt it should have. You could tell that the unicorn was going to die as soon as it said it would follow the hunter and find out. Misdirection could help with that to not make it so obvious, trick the reader, they will thank you for it. Other than that is was great and your layout is very well done.
ReplyDeleteHello Nancy!
ReplyDeleteYour story is great. I love how you give your main characters quirks that people would be able to relate to. Their marriage is a bit messy, but very human. Your story within a story approach is wonderful. It reminds me of Arabian knights. I also like how you are using the various riddles to have the characters reveal things about themselves. One thing that is a bit annoying is every time you go to a new chapter in your story, a new web page opens. If there was a simpler way to move around your story it would be more enjoyable. Other than that, I thoroughly enjoyed your story, and I hope to find out the 3 questions that the characters decided to ask.
Hey Nancy,
ReplyDeleteGreat storybook overall! I really enjoyed the story line and the thought you put into it! I think that it would be useful if you maybe did an introduction or some sort of entrance to the story so the reader is not lost from the start. It took me a couple paragraphs in before I realized what was fully going on. I think that you did a great job with how you laid out the stories on paper. Breaking it up with pictures I think made some great breaks and gave us a mental picture of what you, the writer, was thinking. Overall I think you did a great job and really was able to grab the reader in the majority of the story. I wish there was more to read because it was such a great story line. Keep writing and remember what a great job you did!
Nancy, you’ve done a fantastic job with this project. I’ve been back to read your work over and over. I’m a little sad that I won’t get to read any more of Henry and Olivia’s adventures. In this last story, I thought it was a little odd for the sphynx to change so much so quickly, but I’d like to think that it had found some small amount of respect for Henry. I wish you had included a little more about the thoughts and interactions of Henry and Olivia in this story. I’ve enjoyed their quirkiness and love for each other, and felt like there was less of that here. As usual, your author’s note is very informative and shows that you’ve done your research. I was wondering if you could find a polygryph photo that was more of a banner. The one you have seems a bit small compared to those of your other stories. The top photo for “This is the End” also seems to be a different size and shape than the others. I know these are small details, but they can make a project feel more planned, and cohesive. Nonetheless, you’ve produced some incredible work. Good luck on your finals next week!
ReplyDeleteHi Nancy!
ReplyDeleteThis is my third visit to your storybook and every time you add something new it just blows me away even more. I love the twist that Olivia knew what the answer was instead of Henry, and I love that the sphinx was putting on a sinister face to protect the other mythical creatures. My favorite part of your storybook though, is the last question that Henry asks the sphinx. I don't know if you planned this the whole time, but it certainly felt like you did. You did an amazing job of conveying Henry's emotions while he was trying to figure out if he was doing the right thing. It was so fitting that the story ended with that one important question. I think people forget to think about whether they should or shouldn't do things and instead just consider if they can.
Thank you so much for creating this amazing project! I've enjoyed it so much!
Hey Nancy,
ReplyDeleteI am so glad I got to read your portfolio this semester even if it is the last day. Your whole site looks great and is well organized. I think we used the same layout which I thought looked the best. I was not familiar with any of your stories so your detailed authors notes really helped me understand what I was reading and how you changed the story to your own imagination. You provided great detail and I was able to really see what was going on in my head which I love to do when I read. You had great images as well. I think that adding an intoduction would help us get an idea of what was to come and that the only thing I would add. I hope your semester went well!